Hi, I’m Piph, and I have a very discerning vagina.

Not something you hear often, is it? But it’s true: for over 15 years, I’ve been testing sex toys and writing about them on the internet. Highly trusted and well-known for my snarky yet authentic sex toy reviews, I’ve been called “the Samantha Bee of our nether regions.” Welcome to Hey Epiphora, where the lube flows like wine, the G-spot isn’t a mystery, and masturbation sessions frequently end with me wondering, “did humans even test this?!”

Not sure where to begin?

Dive into my sex toy reviews or my greatest posts, visit my 900+ sex toy collection, skip straight to my all-time faves, peruse my FAQ, or go shopping.

I wanted you to question, "did she really do all that?" And the answer was yes.

Epiphora's Black Friday sex toy sales and deals!
Announcements

Best sex toy deals for Black Friday + Cyber Monday! (2023)

updated 12/13! Need more sex toys for your black holes? Behold, my epic guide to the best sex toy deals has arrived! If you’ve been waiting to buy the vibrator, dildo, or butt plug of your dreams, now’s your chance. These are the best prices and sweeping discounts you’ll find all year. I won’t make a big bang joke, I won’t make...
Keep Reading
A circle of people wearing harnesses and dildos, arranged in a circle and shot from above. Dildos pointing into the middle.
Anyway How's Your Sex Life?BanterShenanigansSunshine & Rainbows

Queer sex party chronicles: a magical birthday

It was a 30th birthday party unlike any other.  The invitation read: Luxurious cuddles, siren’s songs, stroking, finger feeding, dancing, bondage, fucking, and deep admiration are all welcome in this courtyard of grecian revelry. Please bring your own safer sex supplies, toys, tools, and tasty snacks to share. Bring a strap-on if you have one! Languid, shimmery, ostentatious dress encouraged! Whatever makes...
Keep Reading
more recent posts

Favorite sex toys EVER

I’ve put hundreds of things on/in/around my genitals, so it means a lot to make it here.

see all my favorites

Greatest hits

I’m sure my writing teachers are very proud.

Slice of rainbow pride cake necklaces on a tie-dye fabric

The things we’ve built

GAY BEACH GIRLFROND FUNTIMES SUPERBLORPS. That’s what our shared calendar said. We planned the trip on a whim: several nights at the coast, in an...
Keep Reading
Me holding the Diva Cup silicone menstrual cup, with appropriately blood-colored polish on my fingernails.

Review: Diva Cup

The Diva Cup is the greatest thing I’ve put in my vagina that has not resulted in orgasm. Whenever I use it, I emerge from the...
Keep Reading
Dame Products Eva "hands-free" "couples" wearable vibrator standing up like a creepy bug.

Review: Dame Eva

I’ve never told you much about my labia, but I guess now’s as good a time as any. I’d describe my outer labia as puffy, yet...
Keep Reading
My Celebrator oscillating toothbrush vibrator on a vintage floral patterned surface.

Review: My Celebrator

What is life if not a series of attempts at proving arrogant men wrong? I never wanted to have to review My Celebrator. I’ve known...
Keep Reading
Je Joue SaSi oral sex toy.

Review: SaSi

The Je Joue SaSi is a few years old now, but it’s still often touted as one of the most innovative sex toys on the...
Keep Reading
browse my greatest hits

Daily dose of snark

When you just need some righteous rage. So, every day?

gimmie more snark

Ancient Post Randomizer™

I can’t be held responsible for what you find here. I’ve been blogging for over 15 years, yo.